How to Talk to Your Partner About What You’re Feeling

One of the most common struggles I see in my work with couples here in Charlotte is talking about feelings without it turning into an argument or shutdown. Many people were never taught how to express emotions in a way that feels safe — for themselves or for their partner. But learning to talk openly about what you’re feeling can deepen connection, reduce misunderstandings, and strengthen trust in your relationship.

Below are some practical steps to help you start these conversations more effectively.

1. Start with self-awareness

Before you talk to your partner, take a few moments to understand what’s really going on inside. Are you sad, lonely, anxious, angry, or hurt? Often, we express emotions like anger when what we’re really feeling is fear or disappointment.

Try writing down your thoughts or taking a short walk to check in with yourself. The clearer you are about your emotions, the easier it is to express them calmly and clearly.

2. Choose the right time and setting

Timing matters. If your partner just walked in the door after a long day, it might not be the best moment to have a serious talk. Choose a calm, private setting where you both can be present — maybe a quiet evening after dinner or a weekend walk around Freedom Park or along the Little Sugar Creek Greenway.

Saying something like, “Hey, there’s something on my mind I’d love to talk about when we have a few minutes — when would be a good time?” gives your partner a heads-up and helps create a safe space for connection.

3. Use “I” statements

“I” statements are a classic for a reason — they work. They shift the focus from blame to your own experience. For example:

• Instead of “You never listen to me,” try “I feel unheard when I’m sharing something important and it seems like I’m being interrupted.”

• Instead of “You make me feel anxious,” try “I notice I start to feel anxious when we talk about money.”

These statements help your partner understand your inner world without feeling attacked.

4. Listen as much as you speak

Healthy emotional communication isn’t just about expressing yourself — it’s about listening, too. When your partner responds, give them your full attention. Try to hear what they mean beneath their words. Reflect back what you heard:
“It sounds like you feel overwhelmed when I bring this up — is that right?”

This kind of empathy helps both partners feel seen and understood.

5. Remember: it’s okay if it’s awkward at first

If you’re not used to having these conversations, they might feel uncomfortable. That’s completely normal. The goal isn’t to be perfect — it’s to be honest, kind, and curious about each other’s experiences. With practice, these talks will feel more natural and connected.

6. When to seek support

If you find that every conversation turns into conflict or avoidance, working with a couples therapist can help. Therapy provides a structured, neutral space to learn better communication tools and rebuild emotional safety.

As a therapist here in Charlotte, NC, I often see couples make huge progress once they have the right framework and support — it’s absolutely possible to reconnect and feel closer again.

Final Thought
Talking about what you feel with your partner isn’t just about solving problems — it’s about building intimacy. When you share your emotions with care and openness, you invite your partner into your inner world — and that’s where true connection begins.